she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
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I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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