Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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