Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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