I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
