dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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