pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
