god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
