Yo dont text me then not text me
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
