I think I died a long time ago.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
