Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
