my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He better not be in your backpack
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
