so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
