She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I came so hard my ears popped.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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