the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
