Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
