i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
