I hope mine doesn't look like that
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
