just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
