Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
