she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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