And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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