In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
