I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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