he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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