i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
