They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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