i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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