Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
