i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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