i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
