Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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