The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
