you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
