This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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