I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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