why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
