i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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