I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize