Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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