I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
