dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
