I heard we made out
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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