Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
