I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize