I accidentally burped into my bong.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
