I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
