yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
