If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
