I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
