Me. At least after what I've been through.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
