bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You can't just leave with hair like that
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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