I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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