come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
