just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
