So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
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