K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Umm I'm too high to move.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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