she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
