While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
