My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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