No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
