he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
