i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
ok first of all what the fuck
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
