I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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