We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i think i have two assholes
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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